Writing Windows

Reaching out in Denver

Writing — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 20:17:28 GMT

Ok, so this is what I think I am going to do and I am going to use PNN as my jump-off point/cheering ground. I am going to register for NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writers Month) for November (the month). I have 30 days to write 50,000 words which is roughly 150 pages. As I tend to be long-winded, I need more than 150 pages, but it’s a good start. Oh, and my novel won’t start as a novel, though it may evolve into one. See, I want to write about what it’s like to move across the country, alone, from a blue state to a purple one (which will probably be good for me, but is REALLY hard just now) to start a new school. The evolution, should I decide to publish this I may need to fictionize it, ala To Kill A Mockingbird, though hopefully I don’t need to wait twenty years to publish (though Harper Lee did need to actually grow up and I like to think I am rather grown). So, here to goes:

The last two weekends have been incredibly educational for me. The first weekend I stood in front of a table with a banner with the school’s name on it in front of Walmart in the morning and in front of a grocery store called King Sooper in the afternoon (two hours each). It was a windy day, so keeping things from blowing away was a hassle. Also, may people assumed we were asking for money and rushed on by. What was I doing, and with whom? I have a partner in crime, the school Project Director, a really wonderful guy named Brian, who was there me for each occasion. We were informing families about the option of attending a free school in which their children can learn in either Mandarin or Spanish for Kindergarten, first and second grade, with English introduced in third grade. The school will go from Kindergarten to eighth grade, and we hope to eventually add an early childhood program. The school in the 30 second elevator speech (that’s jargon for tell me briefly what it’s about):

Academic excellence through language use: Families will choose one of two tracks, Spanish or Mandarin, and children will learn all subjects in those languages only for the core academic day (8 am to 3 pm), from kindergarten through second grade, when English will enter for a small portion of each day. If you speak a high status language and are pressed to learn a new language at a young age, in a group with others doing the same, your brain will actually develop more synapses and you will use more of your brain and you will perform better academically.

All children will develop bicultural, bilingual, biliterate skills—and have the option of multilingual language skill development: Opening with seats for Kinder, first and second and adding one grade each year through eighth grade, all children will become fully fluent in their target language (Mandarin or Spanish) and will have the option of adding a third language.

A strong arts, music and physical movement component: Arts, music and movement are the best means for teaching language and thus, the school curriculum will be replete with a focus on these. Also, there will be an extended day program (regular day: 8 to 3, all immersion; extended day: 3 to 5, some English, actual artists, musicians and athletes teaching the classes and an opportunity for ESL, special education enrichment, English reading, and extra support target language learning (even for the ‘other’ language, so Mandarin speakers can learn Spanish and vice-versa).

A healthy, green environment: We will contract with a healthy food provider for an optional breakfast (at 7 am), lunch and snacks called ‘Revolution Foods’ who emphasize healthy portions and options and organics when possible. The school will have working garden used for science, for encouraging local healthy choices and for family input. IF we are able to eventually build our own school (three years out) we will do so with green energy in mind and with lots of green field space, for life-long exercise. Life-long sports will be the school’s only options, so no cheerleading or football but lots of soccer, swimming, running, yoga, dance, basketball (think of things people continue to do at 60).

So, that’s the school. Ask questions as it will give me something to write about!

Walmart. . . well, a learning experience. Personally, I hate Walmart as a company (there, I said it). BUT, the manager was super to us and the foundation is giving us money. I still don’t like a non-unionized staff, people paid less than living wages, most things made overseas and a pitifully small level of support for health insurance, but, it’s growing on me. Also, as there are pitifully few options for shopping in Denver, I find myself here as a shopper more than I’d have ever though possible. Life is weird.

Standing out in front, we talked with people and tried to convince them we were only enrolling. However, families with older children walked on by after we mentioned ages and younger children (4 and under) said not till later. This is interesting to me. I have wealthy white families contacting me to ask about how to be involved with the school for their children who still count their ages in months but poorer families often think that those decisions happen later. A clear class difference or is it a reflection of differences in parents’ education levels (which also mirrors class differences). In the end, four completed applications.

Next, on to King Soopers. Yes, every time we are out there we get the word out about a new school (and we tempt them with candy, which kills the healthy hoping me but the fact is it works!). However, it was a bust, no completed applications though some families took some.

This weekend (after the blizzard, more on that later) we sat/stood in front of a place called “the Country Buffet” which is an all you can eat place. Again the management was wonderful, seriously wonderful to us (at the end the manager even walked out, asked how we were doing and asked about other ways he could support the school, wow!). Now, I tend to hate places that are all you can eat as I do not think the concept healthy (to get your money’s worth you feel a need to eat a lot and though there are often healthy choices the majority are not) and no difference here and most people walking in were demonstrably larger than the Colorado population at large. However, remember what I said about living in a blue state and moving to a purple being good for me? I am learning to bend on my issues and starting to feel that hate (for Walmart and/or all you can eat) are far too strong as terms. *Audible gasp from my liberal friends back home (and I am left of liberal) reading this.*

That evening we were at a Halloween special for kids at the Police Academy. We arrived at 4:30 but Brian and I did not find each other until ten till. The function was from 5 to 8 pm so we got busy with the table, banner, information sheets, applications and candy—it was a Halloween function after all. Well, it was a bonanza of families with kids the right age (we had been warned 1200 show but did not take this seriously). We ran out of information sheets right away. Brian left me to get more as I could speak to parents in Spanish (and there were many who preferred Spanish). While he was gone I ran out of candy! Ack! At a Halloween festival, running out of candy is the worst, worst, worst. No one wants to come to your table. So, he returned with 300 copies of the information forms and more of the applications and I sent him right back out for candy (poor Brian). By the end of the night we were both pretty tired but we had 12 completed applications and I had handed out almost 300 information forms and spoken personally with several parents.

Why are we doing this? Charter schools are often accused of ‘creaming,’ of only taking the best students away from already struggling schools. Many studies suggest that charters accept less than a proportionate number of special education and English Language Learner students than their public school counterparts. There is some truth to this, but it’s complicated. Across the nation, there are two groups, Latinos and English Language Learners (ELLs), that are less likely to make choices about schooling than any other groups. Some say ELLs and Latinos are the same, but they are not. Many ELLs are not Spanish-home-speakers and most Latinos are not ELLs, but there is some overlap. Regardless, these are the groups left behind in highly impacted schools as everyone else jumps ship for other school choices. My belief is that Latinos and ELLs do not make choices about schools (any choices, magnet schools, inner-district choice, private schools, private schools with funding, vouchers, and charters) because most schools do a poor job of figuring out how to market to these groups. I am not saying this is easy. Reaching across cultural differences to market a school/program in another language is a challenge, to say the least. However, I refuse for our school to throw in the towel and do the typical, ‘we really tried but they just did not come.’ So, we are outside Walmart, outside King Sooper, outside Country Bugget, we leafleted cars outside the Ross and we attended the Halloween event. Our goal is to have a minimum of 40% of our students come from low-income homes. That percentage would keep us true to our charter and would also allow us to qualify for more grant funds (so it’s hardly altruistic on our part, it is pretty capitalistic if you think about it). But, I want us to surpass the target and to really make outreach a priority. To this end, I will write more about meeting with the families who know the system and how to make it work for them (wealthier and more highly educated) and about other outreach efforts we have in mind. However, as this is work towards NaNoWriMo, the goal for each day is 1500 words and I now have 1740, so I’ll stop (not that it would hurt to build up a buffer. . .) Oh, and I’ll write more on the blizzard next time too.

Heart warming editorial

Writing — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 16:48:33 GMT

I just read an article in the New York Times that really, really warmed my heart. There are people in upper-state New York who hold vigil outside a Spanish mass so the Border Patrol can not enter and raid. Now, there is no clearer racial profiling than raiding a Spanish mass, but leave it to the Border Patrol to ignore, or inflame, the obvious. I'm not so good at this (and would love some help on how to do this in text that is blue) but here it is:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/20/opinion/20sun3.html?th&emc=th

My New Life part 2

Writing — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 16:11:43 GMT

You are all soooo wonderful, especially MoM who continues to pull me through the tough spots. Ok, here’s the news:

The boy and I drove across the country (2000 miles, more than 30 hours) with two cats and a very stuffed car. We left at 5:30 pm on Friday and got in at 12:30 am Saturday night (that’s Denver time, on our time it was almost 3 am). Totally exhausted, it was all we could do to bring in the cats and suitcases and order a pizza. Sunday was great though, we went hiking and then for really good Mexican food. Then on Monday we shopped for gifts for the girls (he settled on a stamp set with stamp pads and papers) and then I took him to the airport and he flew home (I bought the ticket, least I could do).

Later Monday I went to work (yes, my first day was all of maybe three hours). I spent the rest of the week in several meet and greet meetings and gatherings and also working on setting up an office—had to buy everything and bring my own computer/laptop. I do now have a phone and they paid for the file cabinet and stuff I bought but not the computer. I will also be funding my own health insurance for the first year so I’m staying with Massachusetts as residence and insurance as it’s the best state for insurance just now. After all, I do own three places there and my stuff is still there and one is not yet rented. Anyone looking to rent in the Somerville/Cambridge/Boston area? Two bed, really lovely, with parking and washer/dryer in unit (sigh).

So, now it is Sunday. I am so ASHAMED. I have had no TV since the digital switch as my box never worked. So, I spent Saturday watching cheap old movies and such, never put on make-up and never got out of my pjs but at least my kitties were happy to have me here. I have taken them to the vet and that was a huge plus, my monster Payaso, did not scratch the vet and she let me speak to him in Spanish the whole time to keep him calm. She told me both appear healthy (gracias a Díos). I also was treated to several lunches, drinks and such by my new boss/work buddy. Then, two of the founders took me for a lovely dinner that lasted till well past midnight (and they both have toddlers at home!).

Unfortunately my two friends in Denver are out of commission. One is in Italy, and she’s sort of become a ‘bible freak’ (sorry, only way to describe it) and it’s kind of scary how controlling it can be. The other is a plastic surgeon and too busy with her two toddlers (which I understand!) this weekend. I do need to ask her not to point out any flaws she can fix that I was not aware of until she pointed them out. It’s for the best though, I’m supposed to be finishing this huge grant that is due on Monday and a big chunk of my salary will come from it so I need to get cracking and I did nothing yesterday. On a plus note, it’s supposed to reach 80 today so it’s a good reason to get writing, change out of PJ’s (that are starting to smell) and actually leave the ugly hotel room!

So, that’s my story thus far. Writergrrrrl, please, please virtually introduce me to your friend. Anyone else have Denver contacts?

My new life

Writing — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 20:14:33 GMT

Ok, so I am in Denver. I am in a long-term hotel that takes pets, nothing to write home about but it works. The work is good and I adore my workmates, but don't want to jinx it so I won't say more. Lots of meet and greet but on Tuesday evening I fly back to pack up my home and return out here on Monday. Feel guilty leaving a job so soon after arriving, but had to solidify a place first (and to convince then to put in hardwood floors--I DO NOT VACUUM), unfortunately, I am stuck with an electric stove which, if you knew me well, you would know just kills me, alas. I will keep you posted, promise!!! New job, new city, same boy, sigh. . .

Moving--need help!!!!

Writing — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 18:46:56 GMT

Ok, so I'm working on the move to Denver and, though I've done this like a gazillion times (not moving to Denver but in general) lots of the times I was moving courtesy of the US gov as an Army brat kid. Sooooo, I would love any advice any of you might have. Here are the particulars:

Moving from a two bed to a two bed. Will likely only be moving one bedroom as I will likely sell the second bedroom set.

Don't have that much, most my bedroom and kitchen.

Will also be driving my car out there.

Would like to pack all I can but will need someone to pack the glass top on my coffee table and kitchen table.

Thinking of using the "pod" type thing so I have the option of storage (has anyone done this? thoughts? better or worse companies?)

Have to move the monsters, my cats. Not sure if I should fly them or if I should drive them (it's like 19 hours from Boston to Denver).

Please, would really appreciate any advice and kind thoughts!

A clarification

Writing — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 05:47:16 GMT

I promised Wears Many Hats to try to further explain my feelings about PNN. First, I appreciate highly the opportunity PNN has provided many to gather in a collective web space and get to know each other, whether virtually or, for many of us, later in person. I also came to PNN for two reasons, one was the suggestion of a potential writing gig advertised through craigslist—on that note I do feel duped. However, I have stayed for the sense of community that the “global water cooler for women” title suggested. I believe strongly that if a company hopes to benefit through niche marketing (in this case women and not the blogsphere), then that company needs to 'return the favor' as it were and provide members of that community opportunities to participate in decision-making situations that lead to serious results, ie: leadership roles. I was rather dismayed, once I took the time to do a bit of research (perhaps when I realized the job was a ruse) to find that the majority of the leadership (at least at that time) was male. It hurts me to think that a group that historically has been marginalized in the workplace, a group that continues to make less than three-quarters what their male counterparts do, that this group cannot even hope for an 'in' on a site that touts itself as 'for women."

That said, I have seen improvements. When there was an even that was to highlight a male speaker and a male book author and his book, I wrote to Leigh. Since that time, I have seen that the recent writing contest, the mug awards, and the sponsorship offers through the GNO and book club all push and support women--and that strikes me as right, as good, as a win-win for women, both on this site and throughout the world (particularly with the mugs).

On finding space here, I do think it can be hard for women to always find a space to gather and talk, particularly about work-related situations specific to women in a difficult economy, and that this space changes (for good, bad, or otherwise) when men enter. The best analogy I can offer was what participating in a Latina dissertation writing support group in grad school did for me and how that participation helped me to think through several issues in a safe space that I do not know that I would have had the same opportunity to explore (or at least not explore in the same way) had the group been open to all. Some of the issues we explored included: to use an editor (especially as for several English was not the strongest language), translation issues with informants (to provide the original, to provide a translation, to provide both), variations in Spanish in different areas, professors or classes to consider for different approaches to research--and I want to stress that even within an all Latina group, we did NOT agree on any of the above topics. BUT, I learned a huge amount and felt free to discuss somne issues I might not have discusssed had others outside our group been in on the conversation.

On that note, I do wonder (and I do not say there is a conclusive answer) about the participation of men, especially as two men I have noticed the most each were invovled, to varying degrees, in altercations amongst women of whom I care or in making hurtful statements to them. I felt they had changed the setting--whether that was due to individual personalities or to gender or to something in-between, I will not say as I believe such a determination is open to interpretation.

I do find humor (my own) in their lack of participation on the conversation regarding Carm the ladybug's recent plea for the arrival of her long-awaited period to strike. I honestly think had they joined that conversation, it might have limited the humor we all found in the long, very long, thread string. I also have very much appreciated the advice of Wears Many Hats for young wives and young mothers. I appreciate her advice deeply even though I fall into neither category. I am appreciative of the support I found in Writergrrl's book on conception--and I also felt quite good trying to support her wrtiing and her book (though with the deep discount she offered me I am quite certain I came out on top on that topic).

Regardless, many of us may disagree on this, and many will disagree with me. That is great! It is one of the benefits of having a site with so many different views. I read oodles and write a bit and I have more education than any sane person would ever pursue and am considering even more. All of this had led to really strongly held opinions that are sometimes well-informed but also sometimes wrong. When I read the pieces by Lady Diva, I get so excited as she often hits a nerve and hits it hard regarding a group doubly marginalized in the US--Muslim women. Regardless, we disagree on guns and on subtle issues regarding hijab. If there were not this site, I could not explore my feelings, hear hers out, and, wonder of wonders and the best sign of great communication, change my mind as a result of said communication. So, lets hopefully all understand that the issue of support for women and their writing and the issue of a site for women versus a site about women are all subtle issues and we likely all bring different experiences, opinions, and thoughts to the issue and thus, we are not all likely to agree. That, my fellow women, is the beauty.

No Tolerance for Racism

Writing — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 18:53:38 GMT

Here is my letter to the Cambridge Mayor:

Dear Mayor Denise Simmons,

I write to you as a Cambridge property owner (__ Garden Street, #__) and someone who pays considerable property taxes to the city. I am most distressed by the actions of the Cambridge Police Department and especially by the actions of Sgt. James Crowley. You and I both know these incidents are only too common for members of communities of color. I believe you are also aware of the inappropriateness of Sgt. Crowley's actions, in particular when he refused to provide his own identification. He must be dismissed. Should you choose not to call for his dismissal, I will personally (and I am certain others will join me) work to ensure that you are not re-elected. This is not meant to be threatening or negative, but instead a call for the only possible action that might possibly change the actions of police around this nation. You are fully aware that the Cambridge Police Department is disproportionately white. Sgt. Crowley's position should be replaced by a person of color.

I await your response.

Sincerely,

(writing), Ed.D.

Tear Jerker Films

Writing — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 02:41:38 GMT

Ok, so I just saw "My Sister's Keeper" and managed to cry whatever make-up I had recently applied right off my face-as did most of the others in the theater with me. Now, I want to stress that I was severely disappointed that the film deviated so drastically from the book (WTF!) and that this is probably my favorite Picoult book (though there's competition as I love her writing). Regardless, crying made me remember how good a strong cry can be.

Can any of you recommend some great tear jerker films?

PNN Support Men?

Writing — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 20:18:55 GMT

I tried posting this about six times so I apologize for multiple messages about it. Every time it came up jibberish—odd as I’ve NEVER had that trouble before.

This post follows an email conversation that began with Leigh’s description of the writing contest that we all received, my response to her and her response to my response.

I want to preface this post with a few comments:

1. Leigh wrote to me, and me only. However, as her reply suggests some internal beliefs about PNN from her in a PNN role, I think it bears public consideration.

2. I have posted my concerns that a ‘Global Water Cooler for Women’ has so many men on its payroll before—as Leigh points out.

3. I believe there are many wonderful and wondrous women on this site who would be great at many of the PNN paid jobs (including a certain fairy with wings and bionic braids) and whose regular writing and comments keep PNN afloat. This belief undergirds my hope that PNN will work toward doing all it can to support, promote and provide leadership work opportunities for women.

4. Leigh seems to think I ask for support for women from PNN because I am ‘threatened’ by men. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I look for a space for women where we can feel free to be ourselves and write as ourselves without the intrusion of men on the conversation or support men in employment given the need for employment of so many women here (and other options for men in the IT world).

5. Finally, I do not question Mr. Kawasaki or his support for women anywhere in what I wrote to Leigh. What I do question is PNN’s belief that it is better to choose to support a man who ‘helps’ women that women in the first place. If women ere given the opportunities in the first place, I believe they would not need such male ‘help.’

One learning I took from this email conversation is that Leigh follows our posts and makes choices about us based on the opinions we profess, and that her support or lack thereof for each of us may rest on her opinions of our ‘strong opinions’ (as a certain banana may have suspected regarding front page placement). Given this realization, I wonder if I have any chance in the upcoming writing contest. . .

Leigh@pnn.com

Re: So you think you can write?

From: Leigh leigh@pnn.com

To: carrigda@aol.com

Date: Fri, 29 May 2009 11:01 pm

Hi Danielle,

Thanks for taking the time to send me a note. I’ve been following your posts since you arrived on this site, and I know you have a strong opinion on this issue.

So I want you to know I respect your view. But I do want to add some of my perspective and context.

*Guy Kawasaki is on pnn.com’s advisory board. We met at a program at Stanford. He’s extremely smart, successful and especially supportive of entrepreneurs—particularly women entrepreneurs. He’s been enormously generous in devoting his time and talent to the success of pnn.com. When he was invited to be the keynote speaker at TWTRCON, I offered to sponsor his book signing to support him—and he’s supported us. And because I think it’s smart business for pnn.com to gain increased exposure among industry leaders, online community advocates and investors—female and male—that can help us grow and sustain our business.

*I have no idea what’s up with White Owl. I don’t know why he’s chosen pnn as a place to blog. And I don’t know who he is—though I certainly have seen some of his posts and the rancor that he’s triggered. I have complete confidence that the smart and thoughtful women on this site will use their time and energy in ways that are most rewarding to them; engaging with peers; disagreeing with civility when warranted; and supporting whenever possible.

I guess what’s underlying this is that I don’t find it threatening if men want to participate in a site/community whose primary goal is serving women. I’ve certainly heard very few complaints about it (actually only two since I joined the company last September). There’s no feeling that male voices are overtaking the female ones, and being open-minded and welcoming doesn’t undermine our mission; it enriches it. (BTW: In addition to leading numerous online initiatives and businesses, I’m the the former editor of a women’s magazine and a newspaper section devoted to women’s lives and interests.)

Anyway, those are my thoughts. Thanks for sharing yours. And most of all, thanks for being a part of the pnn community.

Best,

Leigh

carrigda@aol.com wrote:

Leigh,

A boy???? Couldn’t you find a woman on twitter to promote? And what’s up with encouraging White Owl? This is either a site for women or it’s not, you can’t walk between the two.

Writing

‘Original Message’

From: Leigh leigh@pnn.com

To carrigda@aol.com

Sent: Fri, 29 May 2009 5:32 pm

Subject: So you think you can write?

Dear pnn.com friends,

Kids and Food

Writing — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 01:32:58 GMT

Since when did food for children cross the line from nutrition to entertainment? Someone, please tell me. As I am a solterona (what my grandmother calls me, means spinster) and have no children of my own, maybe I missed it! I mean, maybe I was too busy teaching and administrating and reading and working and the warnings that MUST have rolled across the nation just bypassed my overscheduled self, right?

Cause, it definitely happened and it doesn’t look as though we are ever going back to the food is nutrition scenario. Pardon me if I mix up a few—it’s so ubiquitous it’s mind boggling. Campbell’s soup now has Dora and Disney characters on their chicken soup stuff, so do Spaghetti O’s. I can’t make it past the yogurt aisle without a barrage of colors and freaky flavors and Dora and the Trix bunny and Hannah Banana (or is that Montana, sorry Hanabanana). The graham crackers are no longer zoo and circus animals (maybe that was the little skeezer that started it all) but have cartoon shapes (yep, there goes Dora again, and I like the little Spanish-speaker darn it, but as a cartoon!!!). The pasta comes in cartoon shapes—Sponge Bob (and I’ve never seen that cartoon, makes no sense to me) is in the Mac&Cheese.

Then there is the cereal aisle—don’t get me started. And there are the fruit roll-ups that originally actually had fruit in them but now have “fruit flavored” and “real fruit additives.” I’m waiting for the day the apple, pear or melon I pick up is stamped with Disney or another cartoon—I mean, really, I’m scared I’m giving the foodie people ideas. . . . And I don’t do fast food (I’d add another 50 pounds and a mountain of guilt if I did) but one look at kids walking out and the Disney/cartoon entertainment blitz is all over those places. And that’s just the real, supposedly real, food categories. Then there is the dessert binge-opolis, like the ice cream shapes and the candy deals that snap and roll and pop BEFORE THEY EVEN HIT YOUR TONGUE! Or, they turn your tongue a funky color, and that is the idea, get it, not the flavor or nutrition or anything originally associated with food.

I mean, is it just me?

How to exploit your feminine advantages

Writing — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 06:51:29 GMT

I’m going to give some pretty evil advice. It’s not really advice, it’s more a rant on the current situation, but as you read, I hope you’ll understand.

Ok, this is a plan book for how to hook a guy and take him for all he has. First, find a guy who’s kind of quiet and nerdy and has little experience with women and few close family members close by. Then, slowly and surely get him to fall for you—pull out all the stops. But FIRST make certain he has a really good income and a good education to back it up (ie: nerdy). Then, once he’s fallen for you, make certain he spends plenty of money on you (all dinners out, some expensive gifts and vacations to neat places—obviously it will help if you have a sob story about how you make little money and have little education).

Step two: Get the dope to marry you and immediately work on getting pregnant. The important thing here is that, from the moment of marriage you never work, not earn a dime! Make sure you get on his insurance so you are covered for all the pesky medical and dentistry stuff you had to pay for before. If the guy is a US citizen or and you are not and he can get you a green card—BONUS POINTS.

Step three: Once pregnant, make certain he knows how much you love the kid and play the part of a great mom. Get him to really love the kid too—so much that he buys a really expensive house and a really nice and safe (stress the safe but go for bling) car and that he understands that you can not work. Make sure he works on the house to improve it and take lots of pictures of the improvements to the value of the home (these will be important later).

Step four: Get him to pay for you to go home with baby—where ever home might be. If it is in another country, BONUS POINTS. Then, while he is at work and you know he is away from home, have a friend break into the house (you’ve given her a key) and take anything of value, from his mother’s jewelry to any important paperwork to any extra checkbooks or credit card checks. Have the friend sell everything she can, send the paper work and money to you and deposit the checks in your account. Meanwhile, tell your husband that you need to stay with your parents for longer as the baby is sick.

Step five: Get a good lawyer. Get a counselor for your toddler who promises to say he is a bad father and write a letter to support that. Get a counselor for you who promises to say he is a bad father and write a letter to support that. If these people have not met him or only have met him in passing once or twice, better! You are a good actress—after all, you got him to fall for you.

Step six: Once you know how much you can take him for (you know the value of the house, the value of the bank accounts (most of which you’ve emptied so he can’t quite get that lawyer for himself, can he?), and the value of his retirement account. If by now he comes to visit worried about the sick child and figures out you lied, let him know you “thought” the kids was sick and you were worried. Play for sympathy. Also, tell him you have decided you are unhappy in the marriage and you will only return if you can move into the house alone and you get the better (bling) car.

Step seven: Because he is such a nice guy (you chose well!), move back into the house alone and start to make it yours, paint and change at will. Sell everything of his—furniture, tools, pets, clothes, stereo, if it’s not nailed down it’s yours.

Step eight: Now that you have all his money and his home, try to get him to file for divorce, it will make you look better. If that fails, file for divorce and in the meantime, (and this part is critical), refuse to let him see his child. In fact, if you can, stand in the door on a visitation day and have someone else keep the child but have a good friend who will lie to the teeth for you at the house. Then, slap him and tell him he will never see the kids again. In fact, push every button you might know of. If he then pushes you or slaps back, have your friend immediately call the police and file a restraining order. You are a poor woman, they will never question it. (Remember, I said this was critical).

Step nine: Now go for the jugular. With your letters from counselors, your restraining order, your family testimony and that of the friend who will lie and die for you, you get custody, the house (or make him sell it and take the money), the car, half his retirement, medical insurance for you and the kid for life, and child support and alimony to sustain you in the style to which you’ve become accustomed but which you never could have earned yourself (or have wanted to).

Bingo! Just three years work and you are set for life. Why do those foolish women go to college, get jobs, marry men who expect them to contribute? Don’t they know?

The sad truth, I know of several men to whom this has happened. Some have proof in emails and writing from diaries the ex’s left that they planned from first meeting them to take it all. And, because US laws are totally biased towards protecting mothers and wives (and in many cases this must be the case) these men have NO recourse. See, if we want laws to protect one gender from another, a gender that is often picked on and oppressed, the reality is that some of the other gender will fall victim to those who abuse those laws.

Just wait your turn. . .

Writing — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 09:53:34 GMT

Last Saturday I was at a fabulous scholarship dinner. A friend of my family’s (and mine) invited me as her parents were unable to fly across the country to come. I brought flowers for my friend and we both teared up as we both know how rare we are—highly educated Latinas from hyper conservative immigrant backgrounds in the Southwest attending school in the Northeast. Ok, so I graduated a bit ago, but still. The dinner was for three Latinos nominated to win a scholarship dedicated to Arch Bishop Oscar Romero. If you don’t know the name, he was the Bishop in El Salvador who was assassinated by a government death squad, a government backed by the US. I recommend you rent the movie “Romero.” Raul Julia did a phenomenal job.

Two of the nominees were from the Dominican Republic and my friend is Mexican, Chicana, like me. The dinner, like so many Latino education dinners, was filled with tears, tributes to mothers and teachers, dancing, music, great food and tributes to wonderful young scholars. The three nominees were each finalists based on their amazing work for social justice in their own communities and at the college. It had been a while since I’d had the opportunity to attend such a dinner and I think it meant as much to me as it did to the finalists. Despite the fact that it’s a Catholic college and so many Catholics are signing the petition to keep Obama from being the graduation speaker for Notre Dame, two of the finalists mentioned him in their talks, as did several of the speakers. I felt so proud. My friend did not win, but she was honored and graceful to the winner none-the-less.

At the end of the evening, in the elevator on the way down to the parking garage, I met the MC for the evening—a former winner himself. I thanked him for some of the things he said. He had highlighted that Latinos have some of the lowest graduation rates and that we need to continue to pay attention to this. He reminded us that many Latinos with great grades drop out of school near to graduation when they discover they have no hope for college. If, by some chance of fate, they entered the country without papers (often when they were infants) they then discover that they are undocumented (illegal is for criminals, infants are not criminals) and that they do not qualify for any federal funding and most other funding is closed to them as well. At that point, dropping from school to work for their family seems a sensible choice.

Also in the elevator was a white woman in a luxurious mink coat who had also been at the dinner. She broke in on my thanking the MC as I was stressing that one in one thousand Latinas earns a doctorate (and I am one of those one in a thousand, though I did not say this then). She said (and I paraphrase), “yes, but like everyone else, that will change. They just need to wait their turn and like every other immigrant group they will move up in ranks took, just give it time.” There was so much I wanted to say. I wanted to mention that my family has been in what is now the US since 1598 and that my indigenous roots are deeper than that—is 400 years enough time. I wanted to discuss how other immigrant groups were present when a college education was not a pre-requisite to a living wage. I wanted to say that other immigrant groups had entered when loans did not ask citizenship questions AND when college cost less than a family car (all four years) and not more than a family house (like now). I did say, “Yes, but unlike for other immigrant groups, there are people standing on the border right now shooting us as we cross.”

As I exited the building, the MC gave me a thumbs up and a smile.

After the egg hunt, WTF Easter Eggs?

Writing — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 23:07:52 GMT

Pardon my brutal language but I'm totally against wasting food and I'm getting ready to plan an Easter Egg hunt for the neighborhood wee ones. Now, some will take them home but most will leave the non-plastic-filled-with-goodies eggs with me. We will be dying at least a dozen this weekend. So, what do you do with the bloomin eggs after they've been dyed, hidden, and found. I'm a vegetarian and even I know half a million things to do with left over turkey, but hard boiled eggs???? Suggestions please.

Is White a Color?

Writing — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 09:46:57 GMT

White is a color, and I don’t mean in the “people of color” sense. I mean that, when I refer to a friend or a person I am pointing out to another, I often name their color. People rarely notice, EXCEPT when I say, “He’s a white guy, tall, with gray hair” or “See all those white kids over there, the street you want to turn on is right behind them.” See, people appear ok with differences but they tend to assume that the unsaid color is white, as in, “He’s a tall guy with gray hair.” If I don’t name a color, people assume white. It’s amazing to me the simple assumption that everyone is white unless you name a color.

Given the racial demographics in this country, the ‘everyone else is white’ viewpoint is blind. Currently, a quarter of children in kindergarten are Latino. That’s right, a quarter. The nation is whiter as you go up the age spectrum, and more of color as you head down. What does this mean? It means that the people that it will cost the most to sustain (social security, medicare, hospital and hospice care) are those whitest and the people they will rely on to help pay those bills will be those of color. Now, I want to remind readers that the older generation invented and discovered many of the new innovations that make our lives easier. However, the innovations of tomorrow await us, IF we do a decent job of educating them.

The problem is, often those so quick to call for cuts in taxes are those aging and hoping that the younger generation, the generation they are not willing to pay to educate well. And why should they? So many of the wealthy in this nation now have options not necessarily available to the poor. For example, the middle class can choose a better school—because they understand the intricacies of school choice options. If they don’t have a choice or don’t get the one they want, they can more to an area in a district with better schools.

The middle and upper class also have another option, they can send their children to private schools. Often, those in private school mention the less than 10% of students in the school on scholarship—salve to a guilty conscience maybe. What they do not mention is the heavy creaming they do of the schools from which the scholarship students come. They only take the best and brightest, never willing to consider those who are more difficult, and more expensive, to educate.

Another option for subtle, ‘paper cut’ racism is the option many are taking now to disparage Latinos under the auspices of ‘legality’ and language difference. There are plenty of Irish in the US without papers, but I rarely hear politicians ranting about the red-headed hordes crossing the ocean. However, there are men with guns on the Southern border shooting people as they cross, yes, murder! Imagine if they sat in airports and shot those in the immigration lines with red hair.

If I only had a nickel for the many times people have said, in my presence, “they need to learn English.” Often, the person making such a statement has no shame about their monolingualism, nor has she/he taken the time to discover whether the person even knows English. I speak English rather well, I’d like to think, yet, sometimes I prefer Spanish. For me it’s a choice. For others it is not. Yet, there are documented LONG waiting lists for adults to take English-as-a-second-language classes and the classes we offer their children, especially if the children arrive older, are a disaster.

Even worse, there are few in the US willing to even try, in an honest way, to learn another language. It is as though people are proud of their lack of language ability. Try asking someone from India if they know a person in India that speaks only one language. It will take them a moment to answer and when they do they will either say no, or that it would be very rare (never been to school, never traveled outside their town. . .)

I think we start addressing the many evils of racism in this nation by naming whiteness, and the privilege that comes with it.

Suggestions for planning a pre-school Easter Celebration?

Writing — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 02:00:05 GMT

I am planning a non-religious (as my friend’s daughters are mixed in race and religion) Easter celebration for a three and five year old. Suggestions? I was thinking about an egg hunt, egg decorating and baskets. However, how do I stay away from too much candy, encourage activity, and keep it all on their pre-schoolish age-level? I was even thinking of having them do some gardening before hand so they could see the flowers coming up around Easter-time or taking them to a petting zoo.